A Case of the Mondays

So have you ever woke up just knowing it was going to be one of those days. How about this, have you ever gone to bed that night before knowing the next day was going to be one of those days. If you haven't, I am.

Last night, I was tired as all outside. It was a crabby, dark day itself, so I was already on the "moving slow" end, and I was babysitting the 2 year old. So I was super tired last night. But I couldn't get to sleep. I was dead tired, but sleep was not in the plan my body had. Finally falling asleep around 1:30 AM or so, I struggle staying asleep. Since my emergency room escapade back in mid-March (before starting these, so you wouldn't know anything about is), I have struggled with sleeping. A combination of nightly cold-sweats, and visions in my sleep that I may or may not be able to decipher. The visions last night confused me. Some I could make out, others I couldn't. All the parts that had me wrestling or fighting with the commercialized object of death (the whole Grim Reaper thing), has me in shock. Either someone or something is going to come to an end. Hopefully a something, more than a someone. A vision of change, where something old dies and something new arises. But I question, if I am fighting with death, am I holding on to something that is meant to die out?

Anyways, my first set of visions was a Royal Rumble with death, causing me to wake up around 3:15 AM (yes I looked at the clock). Realizing that I was having my night sweats I went to turn the heat down, noticing it was only in the 60s: 64, 66...somewhere around there, so I was sweating on my own heat. So I get back to sleep and vision two starts. It's me, in a room (not my own now), auditioning people to be my roommate. Have I moved? And why was a homeboy from high school auditioning (not my current roommate, who I know from high school too).

Well that vision didn't give me night sweats, so I pretty much stayed sleep til this morning. Not wanting to get up...I finally do. Low and behold, I don't get to work til 9:30 AM...wanting to be heard around 8-8:30 like usual.

I get to work, and it seems a pretty regular day until I have to go make some copies. THE FREAKING MACHINE GETS A SUPER JAM! In the middle of a big job, so yes I had to start over. With my wonderful computer skills, and simple mechanical abilities I am able to get the jam out. No problem, but I go to re-staple the original files and, click click, I have no staples, it happens. I go back to my desk, which is pretty far from the copy machine to get some staples, and find out; my staplers WASN'T out of staples, it was full, they had just been jammed into the stapler. So I walked back, to finish my copies.

The END!
Did I mention, this is going to be a long day.

More to Me (Clickable Title)

So I said, hey, why not. There is more to me than just the changes in my life. I'm an artist. I have talent. I am more than a man sitting hopeless behind a desk waiting for life to grab him and say "Hey, lets do something!". I am doing something on my own. I know I've already posted for today, this is to inform that I have now created another blog, which will lead you into my artistic mind. Along with my photography, you will be engulfed you the imagination I present to you through verbal imagery, in which I paint a picture with just my words, in the form of song and poem.

To get there, just click the title of this post, or in my pages link click the Artistry Blog link.

*Enjoy!

How We Take Advantage

So today I got cable installed in my house. I never knew home much I took advantage of being able to flick on the tv and it be there. The past 2 weeks have been long, cable-less, and without internet.

I myself have never been one to sit and watch TV. There is more to life than that...I can find 1000 other things to do. Well that was when I had cable. Without it I was so FREAKING BORED!

But it's not just cable, there are numbers of things that we unknowingly take advantage of. Not because we aren't thankful. Its because we aren't understanding.

Prime example, I've recently posted pictures of my apartment complex on facebook. Many of you seem to be in disagreement. So I'm assuming I can only post pictures of myself half-drunk, half-naked, or partying for it to be a proper facebook picture. What about people who post pictures to tell a story. To mark a point in their life, or to share them with others. 

We take advantage of the fact that we have the ability to click on someone's name and look at all their information, yet we don't stop to understand why people post some information and don't post other information. With my apartment pictures. It was to create an album to e-mail to those who are unable to come and visit my apartment. And I'm not talking about friends. I also have elderly family who can easily access their e-mail but cannot drive a car. (And yes, when you publicly share/e-mail an album the recipient does not have to be a member of facebook to see it).

But what else do people take advantage of, I know. School. It's almost become a fad. Like in high school you say, I'm going to college...well why...I want a good job. Great motivation. Then you get to school; skip class, disrespect teachers, use school as the hook-up line, dress to class like you're going to Club Freak-a-hoe. What are you really there for. Why are you taking advantage of the thousands of dollars put forth in order for you to thrive in life?

We all do it. Wake up. go to class...bullshyt on papers,test, and homework. And never really stop to appreciate why we are there to begin with. 

What saddens me is when people take advantage of themselves. How? By not striving to reach their greatest potential. By not looking beyond what they currently understand and attempt to see that something greater is out there. By belittle themselves to fit in a group, or click, that promises nothing in return. Or those who downgrade themselves for attention, respect, authority. 

What are you proving by taking advantage of yourself. That you don't respect yourself? That you know not of what you are capable of? Maybe you are afraid to show who you really are in fear of reject by those you wish to call "friend" (that's a whole different note).

We take advantage of so much, especially us that are young and think that the way things are going are how they should be. 

No, some one has fought for you to be where you are. Someone has cried, someone bled, someone has prayed, someone has DIED.

For you to take advantage of the life you live. Marinate on it.

God Bless

I Even Surprise Myself...

Today...is a day. Could it be a reincarnation of yesterday? What is the difference in today and yesterday..? Is it all not the same "day" just with a light cycle?

Do we distinguish days only by the fact that we sleep in between them? If I were to follow the sun around continuously, would I not always be in the same day? Only those in the darkness for a period of time would call the next showing of the sun a new day. Yet I have seen the sun consistently for 24 hours, and now back at the spot I started...it is still the same sun, the same day.

Why do we distinguish days? A time line...? For what? Who can stay alive the longest, because anything you do in a day is done. There is not completion of that thing. There is no going back to redo it. It is done. Now you may continue it the next day, but that previous day is past, the result received are going to be different than today's.

Even with days, why must darkness be so gloomy? Better question, why can't people shine sun on the darkness in their life? Why can people not see that their faults of today creates their troubles of tomorrow?

Maybe that's what days are for, to present us with consequence for what we've done previously. People ask, "why am I having such a bad day?", your answer...cause you f*cked it up yesterday.

The Days Ahead...

So at work....don't get me wrong...I love my job. Often time I just feel the work presented to me is overly simple. (and it has nothing to do with my degree)

Yes I am a recent college graduate, and I have a fairly good job to have just gotten out of college. Yet I revert to things as this. Writing notes.

I don't want a new job as of yet. I'm content with this one, and with the addition of this new rent, making less than what I make now is below me. Not trying to sound all high and mighty, I just have standards.

So a lot is going on in my life that I am thankful for, but it is far from perfect. There are still things missing, those that have gone away and those I'm awaiting to acquire.

I see the days ahead as being rough times, and it's not the challenges awaiting me that I worry about. It’s the fact of facing them alone that has me anxious.

I'm often tired, even when I sleep for long periods of time. I'm never truly satisfied with what I'm doing...or have done for that matter. I feel empty, yet I know not of what it is I seek or need.

I'm not looking for anything in particular...just fulfillment. The past 4 years of college have been a lot 360 transformation for me. I came in young, fun, long hair, full of nothing. Now the knowledge and experience I have gained has put me beyond where I ever imagined to be...and I often look at things as though I'm beyond that. Not as if I'm conceited, just as though I've come to far to reduce myself to something less than what I am promised in life.

Yet I do not know of what it is I'm promised. I enjoy where I'm at, but I feel there is more...there has to be because as of now I feel that I have so little. Though I'm blessed, my cup overflows, but I still feel hunger.

What am I missing to fulfill the void in my life? What has been "void"?