Aliens Want My Brain...

And you ask how I know. Check this out. I had no intention of writing a blog today until I got ready to go to lunch and I encountered something extraterrestrial. This contraption here:

Some Alien Device

So I'm confused about what this is. I'm assuming it is supposed to be a toilet. And that's fine. Well thought out you Martians. On the first visit, they came and broke the stall, so on the second visit they decided to install the new "Brain Sucking Toilet". Problem is, it is very noticeable when our toilets were manufactured in 1995, and this one is clearly from 2010. I can't even go to the bathroom and feel safe. I refused to even use the normal looking stalls beside it. I have to go into one of the stalls with the door, just in case something wanted to jump out of this odd looking device.

So I go stand in front of this machine to do my business, and the next thing I know, my brain is being sucked through my urethra. Oh no Mr. Alien. You can't out smart me. But for real, I didn't use it and I wonder how it flushes. It might take me with the water. You see the shape of that thing...do I pee in it, or sit on it? I"M SO CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT TO DO...

And there is no handle...but a "button" (probably the suck the brain out button) coming from out the wall..see:

They almost got me. But while on the topic of lunch. I got an "Italian Burger"...meat, lettuce, pepper-jack cheese. But what confused me, is that it had salsa. Wouldn't that make it a Mexican Burger. The last time they made Italian Burgers, there was Marinara Sauce...which makes more sense.

But either way, that thing was so good I was tempted to lick the salsa of the plate, mind you I was sitting at my desk at work while preparing to do that. I licked it a little...but I didn't clean the plate like I wanted to.


BY THE WAY: THERE IS NO WATER IN THE TOILET...ISN'T THAT SUSPICIOUS?